Let's get ready to rumble!
by Fenrir1
Summary: Who do you think would emerge victorious if the most evil and treacherous villains the Buffyverse has known decided to go at it in a royal rumble?


**Disclaimer:  **I don't own Buffy The Vampire Slayer or any of the characters and/or situations brought to life (or unlife) by Joss Whedon in said show.

**Rating:** I've rated this story **R** because of its explicit sexual references towards the end.

**Author's Note: **This is my first fanfic, so don't be too hard on me in your reviews…

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Who do you think would emerge victorious if the most evil and treacherous villains the Buffyverse has known decided to go at it in a royal rumble? 

Here's my vision of the story…

NOTE: Each baddy appears as they were at the end of the season in which they were the "big bad", because frankly, there wouldn't be much of a contest if they were fighting in their current state, now would they?  
  
Without further adieu, here are our contestants:  
  
the Master  
Spike  
Druscilla  
Angelus  
Faith  
the Mayor (in snake form)  
Adam  
Glory  
the geek trio  
Uber Willow

  
All right, this battle is going to be pretty intense. Everyone realizes a general melee would be suicide and decide to form fast alliances. Spike, Dru and Angelus decide to relive the "good old days" and team up. Faith and the Mayor do the same thing. The Master strikes a deal with Glory to form an alliance; in exchange for his loyal servitude, Glory will grant the Master rulership over a dominion once she has acquired Earth. Finally, the geeks team up with Adam, because as they say, robots are cool. Willow has absolutely no desire of allying herself with anyone and still has Tara's death on her conscience. Since she doesn't want to be robbed of her vengeance, she strikes the geek trio dead with but a wave of her hand. Adam, who is quite unhappy with having lost potential allies, fires a volley of missiles towards Willow who dodges them easily. However, the Mayor is so freaking huge in snake form that he manages to get hit by a stray shot. Furious, he swallows Adam whole. A demon's digestive acid proves to be more than Adam's frame can handle, so he is left to slowly dissolve in the Mayor's stomach.   
  
Meanwhile, Spike, Dru and Angelus decide to strike down the Master for the good and simple reason they consider him to be too weak to take any further the evolution of vampires. The Master calls Glory for help, but Glory has a more ingenious plan. She decides to leave her newfound companion as cannon fodder to the vampires to instead face Willow; her only opponent that is powerful enough to stop her. At least she considers her more powerful than a group of vampires. Against three definitely above-average vampires, the Master meets his demise fairly quick. Faith takes advantage of the vampires' feasting on the Master to sneak by quietly and stake Dru, because she wants to have Angelus for herself. Seeing his beloved get dusted, Spike enters a berserker rage and jumps on Faith, while Angelus laughs of the whole situation and continues sucking the Master dry. Spike, being blinded by rage and all, has lost a great deal of finesse in his attacks (who could be described as trying to rip open Faith's neck with his fangs) and so finishes his existence at the end of Faith's stake.  
  
Going over to Glory's and Willow's side, the conflict soon grows into a fantastic battle. Rays of energy, fire and electricity are fired from everywhere and crash against purple and acid yellow shields. But, unfortunately for Glory, Ben manifests himself for a couple of seconds; more than enough time for Willow to say "Bye bye Ben…" and to disintegrate him, killing Glory at the same time.   
  
Unfortunately, the big snake of a Mayor not far behind realizes that Adam was more of a hors-d'oeuvre than anything else and decides to go for the main course. He swallows Willow whole, taking advantage of the fact she has just let an exhausting battle against Glory. Willow tries to last the demon's digestive acid for a while, but a demon's digestive acid is one of the most powerful solvents in this dimension or any other, so she is fighting a uphill battle to say the least. Willow soon faces the fact she is losing and can't seem to find a way to emerge on top victorious. Knowing she will die, she tries to make the most damage before that happens. She uses her last ounces of energy to fission Adam's uranium core, provoking nothing short of a nuclear detonation inside the Mayor's body, disintegrating herself in the process. Fortunately, demon hide is one of the toughest things in this dimension or any other, so the explosion is contained within the Mayor's body. The sad thing is even demons need internal organs to live and the nuclear blast kind of liquefied them (at the very least). So a colossal lifeless husk that used to be the Mayor collapses on the floor.  
  
Faith and Angelus see that. (hear that and feel that, have you seen the size of the bloody thing?!?) They look each other in the eyes for a good minute, hoping one of the two will crack down and make a stupid move the other will exploit. All this time, only winks and half-grins are seen in their eyes, as it is clear sexual tension between the two is rising. Faith finally breaks the silence and says "So the Mayor's dead huh? Well shit... On the other hand I inherit all his fortune..." Angelus answers with an evil grin on his face "So you really want to do this?" Faith smiles and taunts him "Bring it on, tough boy!" And the two start making wild love, practically ripping each other's clothes off. Just after Faith comes and Angelus is on the verge of coming, Faith stakes him. She gets back up on her feet, gets dressed and looks at the pile of ashes that remains of Angelus with disdain. "You may be a good fuck and I may have fallen from grace, but I'm still a Slayer, you moron..." she says, walking away, having had what she wanted.  
  
Faith wins.


End file.
